Dealing With Disease And Disappointment

Disappointments come to us all. They are part of life. As hard as they are to endure they can make the special moments in life seem even more precious. They also often teach us valuable life lessons.

Despite that knowledge, we still need to live through life’s disappointments. We need to find ways to survive them.

While no one is immune from disappointments, when you live with a chronic disease they can sometimes feel like the absolute last straw.

The Disappointment Scale

I’m not going to pretend I have any amazing solutions to dealing with disappointments. I have however, definitely had quite a bit of experience with my chronic illness creating chaos and unexpected life changing twists and turns.

I’m in the middle of a series of disappointing circumstances at the moment. Sometimes they seem like a gift that keeps on giving and not the welcome kind.

Disappointments tend to have a scale in my world.  They are either minor, moderate or major.

Let me give you an example of where my current disappointments sit on my scale;

  • Mild – Unable to help my husband around the home as much as usual, because I’m recovering from spinal surgery.
  • Moderate – Unable to spend a lot of time with our family when they visited from interstate late last year. Again because of recovering from spinal surgery and the pain of my bone disease.
  • Major – We have sold our home and are moving into a low set smaller home. This will assist with coping with my spiralling medical expenses plus provide us with a wheelchair friendly house.

Categorising disappointments does a couple of things.

Firstly, it identifies them which helps me understand why I might be feeling a bit melancholy.

Secondly, it helps me begin to work on a change of mindset in relation to my disappointments.

Thirdly, it creates a call to action, where needed, to begin embracing changes required.

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Turning Disappointments Into Opportunities

Now not all disappointments will become an opportunity for change in a physical sense.

They can be used to change how we think about a situation though, allowing opportunity for personal growth.

So here is how I’m approaching my 3 disappointments. Keep in mind I have to work at this and so will you with your own scenarios. You can’t just flick a switch and all disappointments will magically be gone.

So, my responses to each disappointment are:

  • Mild – I’m so grateful I have my husband to help me around the home. I can potter with tasks not requiring bending, so we have worked out a system where I have my tasks and he has his. I keep reminding myself in the big scheme of things this is a very minor disappointment. I can let it go.
  • Moderate – I so wanted to spend more time with our family when they visited. It was hard to shake this particular disappointment off. It helps to hold onto the memories of the special times we did spend together. The love and laughter filling our home when they visited still remains and when I think of this a huge smile fills my heart. Moments may be small but they can be full of so much quality and that’s what counts. Changing my mindset to one of thankfulness for those precious moments, does make a moderate looming disappointment become milder. A change of mindset focusing on the positives in a situation is progress, which is what matters when dealing with unavoidable disappointments.
  • Major – This one is not easy. I’m not super attached to the bricks and mortar of our home but the thought of physically moving is awful. Physically I’m just not capable. My body needs security yet the irony is it’s my body forcing us into this situation. Ongoing medical bills, needing a low set home and space to move around with mobility equipment more easily, are all real needs creating this major disappointment.

Tackling A Major Disappointment Head On

I’ve looked at my major disappointment of needing to sell our home from every angle. If I analyse it any further I’m sure I’ll go mad!!

There is no other solution but to accept it. I will feel emotional pain with this disappointment. It’s a normal healthy response to a life changing decision, forced on my husband and I, due to chronic disease. It’s not easy to swallow.

But it’s not impossible.

Moving towards it little by little began to make it my new reality. We found an agent we liked, trusted and who ensured my health and disability were accommodated throughout the selling process. It created a huge sense of relief  and our home sold within 2 weeks!!

We had a rough idea of where we would rent or buy, the cost, the type of home and availability. We prayed we would find a place that provided us future security.

We thought buying another home was outside of our budget and had accepted that door was closed.

I must admit I kept peeking in the “closed door” just to make sure.

I’m so glad I did as we discovered an almost perfect alternative to full home ownership in an over 50’s Lifestyle village. It suits our needs perfectly and we have been able to secure a brand new low set 2 bedroom, 2 bathroom, double garage home which is just stunning. It’s beyond our wildest dreams!!

Acceptance Alongside Disappointment

As you begin to walk through disappointments, by acknowledging them and looking at ways to deal with them, acceptance will come alongside and begin to provide clarity of thought and new direction.

It almost becomes a partnership. The hurt and disappointment eventually turns to the hope and opportunities that change can bring.

Chronic Illness will always bring us unexpected and unwanted packages. How we deal with these can make a difference to both our physical and mental well being. Allowing disappointments to linger for longer than necessary can so quickly drag us down.

If you are experiencing a season of disappointments I hope my “Disappointment Scale” of mild, moderate and major, helps you work through how best to approach life’s challenges.

Feel the pain, acknowledge the consequences of the disappointment and begin to look for ways to think differently about the situation. Where possible make plans to take action to implement necessary changes.

Disease may make disappointments more difficult but, with a change of mindset and a base plan, I so hope you find it’s not impossible to deal with them when they arise.

Take care

Sam xx

If you’re looking for genuine support, care, understanding & friendship, a place to share your seasonal changes & challenges,  you are so welcome to join my closed Facebook support forum, Medical Musings with Friends . It’s a safe place to connect with others living with chronic & complex diseases, who truly understand the daily challenges. A warm welcome awaits.

I’m also a Contributor at “The Mighty”. You can check out my published articles at My Author Page

I also write @ Blogs by Christian Women

I’m a member of  the Chronic Illness Bloggers Network and the  Grace Girls Facebook Group

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WEGO Health Award 2018 Nominee

 

12 thoughts on “Dealing With Disease And Disappointment

  1. Sam I wish you well in your new home. I know a few couples and singles that have moved into an over 50s village and they all love it. You and Peter will most likely find new friends there.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I think that recognising the disappointments and categorising them, then trying to take another perspective is a really good way of managing them and working towards either solutions or acceptance. Thanks for sharing your experiences in terms of recent frustrations, like not being able to help your husband as much during your recovery, and with the house move (a huge challenge and one of life’s most stressful events apparently, and that’s without the disappointment angle or the chronic illness to deal with!) xx

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Disappointments are always difficult to cope with, but identifying them and working through them in this way can really help us get to grips with the situation. It’s hard to move away from a home you love, but you’re doing it for the best of reasons. Everything will work out. All the best in your new home.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I find that having a “routine” of how to deal with disappointment or as you have put them on a scale, is very helpful because also as you mentioned, allowing them to linger for a long time really puts an added toll on yourself and when dealing with chronic illness, stress of mind can be a trigger for flare ups too. Im glad that you found another home to call lovely. I hope you are able to settle in with the best of ease for you!

    Liked by 1 person

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