I’m tired…..so tired!
I’m not depressed, I’m not sad, I’m just tired.
My body is exhausted from fighting with itself daily. It can’t even get a divorce from it’s rare disease and walk away to a struggle free life.
I’m just tired.
Tired of medication. All the planning and administration, that goes into a meals worth of tablets, is tiring.
Tired of people. I know that sounds awful because I love people. I love caring and sharing and supporting. My work I do online with my support forum, means the world to me. So please forgive me when I say I’m tired and I’m struggling to hear the needs of others, just for a little while. Maybe only a few hours or perhaps a day.
I know I’m just having a moment. Is it a moment of weakness or a moment of strength?
I think it’s a sign of strength. I’m not afraid to say right now, in this moment, I’m so tired.
I’m being real. It’s how it is.
I don’t want sympathy. I don’t want people to feel sad. I just need to express the exhaustion I feel living with an unrelenting, cruel and downright disgusting disease.
I’m always the one championing positivity, and encouraging others, to find ways of living a new and fulfilled life with chronic illness. I believe we can and on most days I do.
Saying I’m tired, I need a moment, I need time out, doesn’t change any of it.
If anything saying I’m tired and acknowledging I can’t do everything, is part of being positive and living a fulfilled chronic illlness life.
It makes me think about the changes I might need to make to ensure I don’t lose sight of my aim to live the best life possible.
Allowing extreme tiredness to continue without stopping to acknowledge it, listen to it and address it, would be setting myself up for a disaster I may not claw back from.
What Would I Do?
If I wasn’t so tired and ravaged by disease, what would I do?
I’d walk and not break my feet.
I’d sleep and wake up refreshed.
I’d eat what I like and not have stoma issues.
I’d reclaim my linen cupboard and not have it looking like a pharmacy.
I’d go out of the house without thinking of the ramifications, or planning it hours in advance.
I’d invite friends over and host a dinner party with ease.
I’d be working full time and loving every minute.
Hang On A Minute
The lightbulb moment has begun to dimly shine in my tiredness. It was those last words….
I’d be working full time and loving every minute.
I am doing just that. Even with my rotton disease. I’m working with and for people I deeply care about. I’m helping others navigate this chronic illness journey, or perhaps nightmare might best describe it.
Would I change anything? I’m torn. Without my illness I wouldn’t have the insight, the understanding, perhaps even the desire to help other chronic illness sufferers.
Yes I’m tired. We are all tired in my community to varying degrees.
My tiredness won’t necessarily pass but I will rally. I will move past, through, over and around this moment.
For now though….I’m just tired and I want others reading this, who are so exhausted, to know it’s ok to say so.
It’s ok to be tired and to have had enough of your disease for a moment.
In fact, it’s perfectly normal!!
Take care
Sam xx
If you’re looking for genuine support, care, understanding & friendship, you are so welcome to join my closed Facebook support forum Medical Musings with Friends. It’s a safe place to connect with others living with chronic & complex diseases, who truly understand the daily challenges. A warm welcome awaits.
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I also write @ Blogs by Christian Women
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My Medical Musings 
Thank you for being so frank, Sam. I’m feeling similar at the moment. Awaiting referral to hopefully help address another problem. We need to be honest with having these conditions. It is a full-time job in itself. Rest well as you recoup some strength. 💙 Penny
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Penny, my heart goes out to you
Thank you for your comment and encouragement. I just felt like writing exactky how I was feeling in the moment. Sometimes its very cathartic to do that as I’m sure you know.
All the best with your referral xx💞
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Thanks so much, Sam. Yes, I can totally understand. It’s good to let off a bit of steam, and just allow yourself re-set. So important. Thanks again for your good wishes.💙 xxx
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Bravo! Real, raw, and realistic
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Thanks Donna xx
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I am not feeling this way at the moment, but I have. Our time as advocates is by nature limited. I understand being tired.. i get tired of doing things, I stop them and I do something else. Some day I will stop doing anything and will collect business cards or some dumb ass things like that.
That will be fine, it really will. After all our obligation is to ourselves first. After ourselves we have to support our family. When we get too tired we go on and find what is next best for us. If you are like me, I am always ready to move on, but I am looking for that next great idea to get me enthusiastic. I always find that next thing.
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Yes, I’m definitely a lover if change. I think that attribute helps me cope with the constant health changes too. I always view them as interesting 😁
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I’m sorry you’re doing it so tough. I feel like this a lot. Like, quite a lot. Exhausted, not to mention fed up and generally rather negative. There’s a lot of pressure to be positive and power through it all. For some those tougher days are once every so often. For others it’s a regular thing of getting knocked down and getting back up. The thing is to not beat yourself up that you feel like sh*t. It’s okay, it’s normal, as you say. Fatigue is a big thing for me anyway on the day to day but sometimes you just get tired with everything. Or overwhelmed. “If anything saying I’m tired and acknowledging I can’t do everything, is part of being positive and living a fulfilled chronic illness life” < Absolutely agree. That does take strength, especially saying it in public because of that sense of 'I always need to be okay' or on a blog to 'always be positive and encouraging for others'. Part of the encouragement is knowing we're not alone and that feeling like this is okay. The reminder that you'll get through it just as you have before. All in our own time. Sending hugs your way, Sam. Look after yourself ♥
Caz xx
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Rest and take care Sam. 💜
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Thanks so much xx
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You’re right, it is ok to say that you’re tired. It’s definitely not a sign of weakness. You go through so much – you are allowed to say you’re tired. And yes, you do work full time. I see how much you help other people living with chronic health problems.
Take care, Sam.
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Thanks so much xx
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I know this feeling. Thank you for being honest and open about it. We can’t just plough on continuously. It’s ok to take a step back, have a break, wallow a little, and just be tired. The motivation usually returns.
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Thanks Gemma. It’s always nice to know we are not alone isn’t it xx
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Absolutely. That’s also the great thing about blogging.
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