Letting Go Of What You Think Life “Should Be”

“Happiness is letting go of what you think your life is supposed to look like, and celebrating it for everything that it is” – Mandy Hale

What an insightful quote! There is so much simplicity to it yet it is full of depth and wisdom.

When we live with Chronic Illness, it’s very easy to fall into a pattern of continually thinking about all the things disease has taken from us. A vicious cycle can quickly develop robbing us of any hope of happiness.

Yes, life is tough.
Yes, our diseases can be overwhelming and debilitating.
Yes, our life has to change dramatically to adapt.
Yes, our dreams and goals may need to change entirely.

Acknowledge The Loss

If we have any hope of being truly happy in our chronic illness life, we need to acknowledge all of the above, plus many more emotional and physical hurdles unique to our own situation.

Once we’ve gone through that process, it’s time to take the next step. The most important step…..don’t let our diseases rob us of happiness.

It’s really ok to feel happy, even in the midst of pain and illness.

It’s ok to feel the depths of our loss while still feeling joy.


Happiness has many layers. It can come from success, from good news, from making exciting plans.

I’m not really talking about that kind of happiness. I’m talking about happiness that comes from being content.

“Contentment is a peaceful kind of happiness in which one rests without desires, even though every wish may not have been gratified”: dictionary.com

This view of happiness, the peaceful contented kind, is exactly the sort of happiness we can achieve when chronic disease places so many of life’s usual “pleasures” out of reach.

I’ve been really unwell with worsening disability over the past 24 months. I’ve been in and out of hospital and had three spinal surgeries, each three months apart. Multiple foot fractures continuously cause worsening mobility issues and my fatigue has been out of control. On top of this I am now dealing with female baldness.

Aside from medical appointments or hospital stays, I have rarely been out of the house for years.

I’m not telling you this because I want you to feel sorry for me or to gain sympathy. Far from it.

I know it creates quite a miserable picture, especially if that’s the end of this blog post.


Peacefully Happy Despite It All

It’s not the end though. It’s the beginning of what I want to share.

Despite all the challenges and hurdles, I’m happy, I’m content. I’m at peace.

I was in hospital for a lengthier stay than expected post a complicated spinal surgery. While I would have loved to go home, my stay was full of happy moments. I had sad moments as my pain overwhelmed me at times, but I had moments of belly laughing with my husband and beautiful friends who came to visit. I enjoyed chatting online with family and other friends far and wide.

I enjoyed reading other bloggers stories and sharing their work.

I loved writing, even if I only managed a little re-editing.

Once home, I enjoyed watching the birds in the garden.

I managed to continue to do a few household chores and that made me feel like I’d accomplished something (while listening to music full blast of course).

Let Go Of What You Think Life  “Should Be”

Let go of what you think your life should look like. Take time to think about what you can change in your current circumstances to create a different life. One that works with your chronic illness and allows you to feel content….strive for a contentment that brings a feeling of peaceful happiness.

Give yourself permission to do that. When we continue to focus on the “normal life ” society bombards our minds with through social media, magazines, TV etc, we will never find contentment. We will simply find ourselves looking into a very dark hole.

Our “normal” is always going to be different but it doesn’t mean it’s the end of the world.

It doesn’t matter how others define a happy life…..it matters how you define it.

We only have one life, one opportunity to live as well as possible. For those of us with chronic disease we can spend it bemoaning what’s been taken from us, or we can spend it finding ways to “enjoy it for everything it is”

We have life and that’s an amazing gift. I’m very happy about that and perfectly content.

I so hope, wherever you are in your journey of adjusting to a chronic illness life, you will soon arrive at a place of peaceful contentment.

Don’t lose hope!

Take care


Bible Verse 

“I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through Him who gives me strength.”

Paul writing to the Phillipians chapter 4 v 11-13 (NIV)


If you’re looking for genuine support, care, understanding and friendship, you are so welcome to join my closed Facebook support forum Medical Musings with Friends. It’s a safe place to connect with others living with chronic and complex diseases, who truly understand the daily challenges. A warm welcome awaits.

I’m a Contributor at “The Mighty”. You can check out my published articles at My Author Page

I also write @ Blogs by Christian Women

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8 thoughts on “Letting Go Of What You Think Life “Should Be”

  1. So encouraging, Sam! I have been able to hold on to contentment, at least most of the time. I have my moments where my husband allows me to break down and he encourages me through those moments. Then, he’ll have moments and I do the same for him.

    It can be hard when a bad flare comes in suddenly, just in the last 24hrs I’ve had to get my cane back out. It’s a hard reality that I’ve only been dealing with for 6mths, so it’s another “new normal” I have to adjust to. I’m grateful that I still have times I can move around better. And even if I get to a point the cane has to stay, I’ll adjust again 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. April, those moments of grief are essential to moving towards adjusting to our new lives. I have them too and generally they are cathartic. I’m so sorry you’ve been going through a horrible flare. Sending lots of love xx


  2. I have always loves this part of the verse:

    I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances.

    I think the amazing part of the verse (besides the wording which I really love), is the word content. One definition of content is: state of satisfaction. The word satisfaction means: paid in full. So to rewrite it:

    I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be paid in full whatever the circumstances.

    Paul is saying that despite anything, Paul had been paid in full. How incredible to be paid in full. I am continually paid in full.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Yes, yes to it all. I try to write about this too, those ‘shoulds’ we put on ourselves and the social pressures too, because we get this feeling of how life ‘should’ look (the media, comparing to others, the ingrained norms). Sometimes it just isn’t going to happen that way, so we need to take a detour and find some way of accepting what life now looks like and working with that. You’ve said it far better than I ever could. Brilliant post  ♥
    Caz xx

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks so much Caz. I have np doubt you would write a brilliant post on this subject. You are a shining example of someone who is embracing a “new norm” and encouraging others along the way xx

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Sam, thank you. I have felt a calmness and contented heart for a long time now. I still get Ruffley occasionally which is ok. But I have my husband, food and water, a roof over my head and I am ok.
    Blessings my friend 💜

    Liked by 1 person

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