Waiting, Waiting, Waiting!

No one is exempt from waiting.

As the world continues to grapple with a global health pandemic, we are all waiting.

Waiting for it to be over.

Waiting for a vaccine against Coronavirus to become available.

Waiting for restrictions to be lifted.

Waiting to see family and friends again, who have become separated from us due to travel restrictions and border closures.

It’s a difficult time for everyone. The freedom to do as we like, when we like, has been snatched from us. For many people adjusting to this new norm, of being in a permanent state of waiting, life is now almost unbearable.

Let’s just pause and take a moment to think about the changes COVID-19 has forced on all our lives. The losses are real and the impact needs to be acknowledged, across all sectors of our society.

Let’s then step back for a moment, to think about those living with chronic illness in the midst of this pandemic.

How has it affected the disabled, the chronically ill, the newly diagnosed, the carer looking after a loved one?

The Never-ending Waiting List

Those in the disabled and chronic illness community often have a “waiting list” which seems never-ending, with or without a global pandemic.

Waiting requires us to dig deep to cope, now more than ever.

It ignites a range of emotions including, frustration, fear, worry, disappointment, anger, sadness and even excitement if waiting for good news.

Some wait list items cause a mixture of feelings, combining fear and excitement. Fear because a loved one is so ill but excitement when signs of small improvement show.

To cope we need to enlist a range of attitudes including, patience, resilience, hope, faith, trust, determination and more. None of which are easy attitudes to perfect at the best of times.

I feel like my own waiting list is currently growing out of control on a daily basis. I need to find ways to cope while waiting.

It’s so easy to become consumed and overwhelmed by the wait list. Before we know it we can lose sight of areas of our lives not affected by waiting. We soon cease doing the things we can still do, and we inadvertently place areas of our lives in “unnecessary” lock down.

Breaking It All Down

My wait list is multifaceted as I’m sure yours is.

It includes:

  • Waiting on news about loved ones who are critically ill
  • Waiting to see if my new pain medication will work
  • Waiting for Genetic Testing results to come back
  • Waiting to see a range of Specialists to determine next steps in treating my debilitating and disabling disease symptoms.
  • Waiting to find out the outcome of awards I’ve been nominated and short-listed for.
  • Waiting everyday to hear and feel the snap of a new bone fracture occuring
  • Waiting to see what Coronavirus will do next

There are a few others I could add but you get the idea. It’s a complex list and it affects me physically and emotionally.

I’ve said before I don’t generally suffer from depression or anxiety, but there are things on my wait list which can’t help but make me feel a gammat of emotions, ranging from fear to excitement.

To tell someone not to worry when a loved one is critically ill, or they have a wait list longer than chapters in an epic novel, is not helpful.

We worry out of love and concern for others, and due to the fear of loss for ourselves. It’s a valid response and it requires understanding and support. It’s the same if we are waiting for test results to confirm a diagnosis. The fear of loss, fear of change are normal responses.

There is a beautiful song by Guy Sebastian called “Standing With You”. The lyrics sum up perfectly what I mean when I say telling someone not to worry, is not what’s needed when life is overwhelming.

The more I tell you you can do this
The more you tell yourself you’re useless
Any advice right now is fruitless
You’re somewhere only you can go
I won’t pretend to know, so

Instead of telling you you’ll be alright
I’m just gon’ be that someone by your side
Yeah let me be that distant satellite
A constant in the sky’

Cause I’m standing with you tonight
Yeah I will be that voice in your ear
Quietly destroying your fear
You won’t even know that I’m here
But I’m standing with you tonight


Oh I will be the pill for your pain
Until the clouds have run out of rain
Close enough but just out of sight
I’m standing with you tonight

Source: LyricFindSongwriters: Greg Holden / Guy Sebastian / Jamie Hartman

Standing With You lyrics © Universal Music Publishing Group, Warner Chappell Music, Inc

Wait lists can conjure a roller-coaster of emotions, reactions and attitudes. We need to find a way to hold on tight and find ways to equip ourselves for the ride.

Holding On To The Waitlist Roller-coaster Ride

Coping mechanisms for stress and anxiety often do come in a handbook. However, they can feel so generalised and scripted. The writer of the self help booklet is not necessarily someone who has experienced your debilitating chronic illness, so you may find it hard to connect to the messages trying to be relayed.

I don’t profess to have all the answers. I can only share my own experiences and my tips for coping. Sometimes they work, sometimes they don’t, so I regularly need to review and tweak my approach.

At the moment I feel a little like I’m treading water, so I’m implementing a few strategies to place my wait list into perspective. I need to reconnect with things in my life not reliant on the wait being over.

  • Get Enough Rest and Relaxation – When life becomes overwhelming one of the first things to be affected is rest and relaxation. It may be you feel guilty doing something nice for yourself when there are critical issues on your waitlist. WRONG! You are no good to anyone if you don’t look after yourself. Maintain your normal rest periods, watch a favourite TV show, read a good book. Whatever works for you to help you breathe a little easier, do it.
  • Keep Your Normal Routine– when chronically ill some things in our life must continue. Eat well, take your medication regularly, attend medical appointments, keep on top of chores you normally do around the home. The last thing you need is for life’s daily tasks to build up, to the point of them being added to your list of worries.
  • Keep Your Brain Active- an active mind helps us to focus more clearly on difficult situations like worrisome wait lists. I like to play brain training type games on my phone daily. It not only helps me relax, it helps me to clear the cobwebs. It rests my brain from my concerns. I tend to think of nothing other than working out the word puzzle or placement of the next jigsaw piece. It’s a happy place.
  • Push Yourself A Little– I know you’re probably wondering where I’m going with this one. Let me explain with an example. You all know I love to write. My blog is important to me. Reaching out to others through my writing is a passion. My wait list has been so consuming I’ve been feeling less than creative. Partly because I’ve been so exhausted emotionally, on top of living with my extreme physical pain. I know to be able to cope with my physical pain I must rest and I must keep life as calm as possible. Life was not helping me keep things calm, so I needed to take action.
    • I took a day off and simply rested with no agendas
    • I was suffering from writer’s block so I jotted down a few ideas and put them to one side for a day
    • The next day I cleared my agenda to completely focus on writing. I was determined to write something, anything. It didn’t matter what, I simply wanted to connect with the joy of writing. If it turned out half decent I’d publish it on my blog. If not I gave myself permission to say “It doesn’t matter”
    • If you’re reading this, you’ll know my strategy worked!
    • To do the above I had to push myself a little. I had to give myself a good pep talk.
  • Don’t Start Something New – I had a great idea recently which turned out not to be such a good one. My Wait list was growing and my list of concerns were multiplying as a result. So I decided, in a moment of madness, it would be a perfect time to start Vlogging. What on earth was I thinking! Clearly I wasn’t thinking straight at all. I do love the idea of Vlogging and expanding my reach to people within the chronic illness community, but now is not the time. It is so time consuming and much more exhausting than Blogging. I managed two Vlogs and even set up my own You Tube channel, but it soon became evident it would be to the detriment of the time and energy I needed to save, to blog and administer my online support forum. So for now Vlogging will be limited to a video on my forum, only every now and again, when and if I’m able. Lesson learned!!
  • Reach Out – Going back to the lyrics of Guy Sebastian’s song, reach out to someone who will simply be by your side, not someone who will tell you everything will be alright.

It Won’t Always Be Alright

I would love to tell you everything will be alright but we all know life isn’t like that. You have a chronic illness and that alone is testimony to the fact not all aspects of our life will have a happy ending.

It doesn’t mean life can’t be happy, joyful and fulfilled. It will just also be sad, worrisome and we’ll have anxious times.

How we cope and manage in the midst of times when life isn’t alright, is what matters when it comes to maintaining some semblance of well being.

Let me leave you with this video of Guys song. I hope it’s a reminder there are others, who may not fully know what you’re going through but , who are willing to stand with you.

My FB forum  Medical Musings with Friends is full of people waiting to listen, care and just stand by your side, no matter what you’re going through.

We’d love to welcome you and care for you.

Sam xx

If you’re looking for genuine support, care, understanding & friendship, you are so welcome to join my closed Facebook support forum, Medical Musings with Friends . It’s a safe place to connect with others living with chronic and complex diseases, who truly understand the daily challenges. A warm welcome awaits.

Healthcare Collaborator Nominee 2020
Best in Show: Community Nominee 2020
Best in Show: Blog Nominee 2020

https://www.wegohealth.com/Sam/awards

I’m a Contributor at “The Mighty”. You can check out my published articles at My Author Page

I also write @ Blogs by Christian Women

I’m a member of  the Chronic Illness Bloggers Network  the  Grace Girls Facebook Group and the Salt and Light Linkup Group

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7 thoughts on “Waiting, Waiting, Waiting!

  1. No unfortunately it will not always be OK. But it will be OK more often than not. I have learned that the more anxious I am the more likely it is to be OK. At least that is my 63 years of opinion.

    I do get so tired of waiting however, I think you and i are not good waiters by nature. But that is because at my truest level I am a type a personality. I do better in rapid fire, I do something and move on sort of person.

    Gosh, maybe I should learn to slow,,,, naw not gonna happen, I dont have time.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I often feel like I’m forever waiting where it comes to my health, and the feeling of life being on hold has never been so forceful as it is now during the pandemic. It’s gone from waiting for calls back from medics, waiting for tests, for surgery, for treatment. Waiting waiting waiting. Waiting to see if things could get better, or if they’ll just keep getting worse. But now life feels like it’s suspended in time. I can see it as a person removed at the moment by seeing what it’s like for my parents ‘trapped’ at home and with their lives on hold, and it’s painful to watch. I love your honesty and I think it’s so important to acknowledge that yes, it’s difficult and that things won’t always be okay. But as you say, that doesn’t mean we can’t do things to make waiting a little more bearable or that we can’t do things to make our lives as enjoyable and comfortable as possible.xx

    Like

  3. Hi Sam !

    Loving your new blog ! Beautiful , positive words as always. ❤️ I love how you also find this song of Guy’s as inspirational as I do. It literally gave me goosebumps and brought tears to my eyes the first time I heard it as it reminded me of all the unconditional love & support my husband ( & children) have given me over the 2 1/2 years I’ve had seronegative arthritis .

    Writing ✍️ has become my new passion during this pandemic and I’ve taken on the challenge of writing my very first novel, and I can relate to a lot of what you’ve written about here , thank you 🙏!

    It’s also important to be kind to yourself like you say , which is sometimes hard if your a perfectionist . The pressure I’ve put On myself to be productive during this lockdown/self isolation has often backfired due to health setbacks /writers block etc.. So I think COVID has actually taught me a lesson in patience and acceptance of things which are out of my control . I’ve had a lot of time for reflection , as we all have , which ultimately has been a good thing.

    Best of luck with all your endeavours & I look forward to reading your future blogs.

    Cheers,
    Kim 👩🏻‍🦰 🙏✨

    * ( my family have been urging me to start up a blog page of my own – so you’ve also inadvertently inspired me to finally stop procrastinating and look into the idea of doing this so , thank you ) -if you any words of advice regarding this I’d love to hear them. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Congratulations on tackling writing a book Kim. That’s fantastic. It’s something on my “to do list” as well. I have more than enough content from my blog to do it but I do love blogging and writing articles, so it keeps getting pushed aside.

    Blogging is wonderful and I think you’d really enjoy it.

    Setting up a free blog is the easiest way to start and I would recommend WordPress. I found them much easier to follow in terms of getting started than other domains. I stated my blog in 2015 and used the free version for a few years. I decided to purchase a personal plan a couple of years ago so I could have my own domain name and no pop up ads.

    Yell out if you need a hand xx

    Like

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