I have sung all my life. School Choirs, Church Choirs, solos. Music and singing have been like food and water to me. They feed my soul.
Over the past few years I have longed to sing with the energy and delight I used to sing with. My bone disease, pain and constant surgeries, have left me physically disabled and exhausted.
My attempts to sing have often resulted in a croaking flat sound, rather than anything that had any semblance of being uplifting, for me or anyone else! So I have limited my singing attempts. I need to conserve my energy to deal with my high levels of pain and fatigue.
How Can I Keep From Singing
Getting to church over the past 4 years has been impossible as my disease has progressed.
My constant broken bones and non healing femur break, make any activity outside of my home near nigh impossible. So my husband and I find ways to have “church at home”.
We are blessed in this era to have the Internet to stream church services and even TV has some lovely programs like the BBC “Songs of Praise” which we really enjoy every Sunday morning.
While watching the show today I decided I didn’t care what I sounded like. I wanted to sing, my soul wanted to sing. It was time.
I opened my mouth to sing the words of a familiar hymn and sang my heart out. To my surprise, my voice seemed stronger than ever before. It was effortless and I sang verse after verse with gusto. I was literally in heaven.
My husband said he had never heard my voice sound so beautiful. Resting it for so long was obviously a good thing but it was more than that.
I have always sung songs of faith. They are my first love. Finding my voice as I sang, when I thought it was lost, was such a gift, such a blessing. It confirmed I hadn’t totally been consumed by my disability, my pain. Somewhere in the midst of everything, I was given back the gift of singing.
My disease may be ravishing my body but not my soul. Our bodies were never made to last but our souls were. Singing and music seem to allow me to look into heaven, to hold onto the hope of a future of no more crying, no more pain.
To That Rock I’m Clinging
I was recently listening to a CD by Celtic Woman. I love their music. They mostly sing traditional Irish Celtic/Folk music. They always have songs of faith on their albums, amidst their other beautiful inspirational music choices.
My heart skipped a beat when I heard one of their new songs “How Can I Keep From Singing”. I seemed to know it instantly. I listened closer and I was sure it was an old hymn that I sang as a child.
Some of the words seemed slightly different but the message was still clear. No matter the struggle and the pain and the tumult, we have a Rock where we can take refuge, so how can I keep from singing.
The episode of Songs of Praise today just happened to have a beautiful soloist sing this very song….the hymn version.
My heart skipped many beats as I listened to the uplifting words and soothing music.
I searched the origins of the song and yes it was a hymn sung in the 1800’s. The slight change to the words Celtic Woman sing, were written by Enya but the message remains the same.
I have played the song over and over and over. I have also sung it over and over.
The most amazing thing I realised this morning, is that when I sing, I don’t have any pain. In those moments my soul is lifted high and I am transported to a place that is pain free, despite my broken bones, despite my fatigue.
A taste of heaven to come.
How can I keep from singing!!
(Original Words from 1868)
My life flows on in endless song;
above earth’s lamentation,
I catch the sweet, though far-off hymn
that hails a new creation.
No storm can shake my inmost calm
while to that Rock I’m clinging.
Since Christ is Lord of heaven and earth,
how can I keep from singing?
2 Through all the tumult and the strife,
I hear that music ringing.
It finds an echo in my soul.
How can I keep from singing? [Refrain]
If you’re looking for genuine support, care, understanding & friendship, you are so welcome to join my closed Facebook support forum, Medical Musings with Friends . It’s a safe place to connect with others living with chronic & complex diseases, who truly understand the daily challenges. A warm welcome awaits.
I’m also a Contributor at “The Mighty”. You can check out my published articles at My Author Page
I also write @ Blogs by Christian Women
If you would like to read a little more about my journey, here’s the link to My Story
WEGO Health Award Nominee 2019- Best in Show Blog