Hospital Hijack and a Chronic Illness Christmas

As Christmas Day fast approaches, I imagine most of us, especially those in the chronic illness community, are musing about what we can realistically achieve over the holiday period.

For those of us with chronic disease, it can be an incredibly overwhelming time. Just trying to be happy for others, when your body is screaming at you, is enough to make you want to run and hide.

Even if, like me, you have a quiet Christmas for two planned, there are still concerns. Will I be able to function on the day?

Will I manage to stay out of the hospital in the lead up to Christmas?

Well, apparently not! I am actually writing this from my hospital bed.

I was not expecting to be here, I’m not wanting to be here but as life would have it with chronic illness, I need to be here.

It’s a long story that started with an unexpected phone call from my Pain Management Specialist’s assistant on Wednesday last week, telling me I have Diabetes and need to be admitted to hospital on Monday to bring it under control.

I knew once there I would be hijacked and a review of my entire situation would end up being set up while I was in there.

Don’t you hate it when your right?

I am now Day 6 in hospital and being treated for Diabetes.

The Drs are concerned about my rapid weight loss and don’t think Diabetes is causing it.

I’ve had an endoscopy. They are looking for auto-immune diseases and cancer

Also, I’m under a Hematologist for my possible blood cancer, so he has been brought in to see if he has any thoughts. He is running heaps of tests.

Once all the above has been done, I may be allowed home on Saturday and everything managed as an outpatient.

I really just want to go home. I definitely feel hijacked.

Hospital Aside, Let’s Get Back To Christmas!

No amount of pacing or planning can ensure my body will do the right thing at Christmas. I will pace, and my husband and I have removed all expectations. We will go with the flow, and it doesn’t matter if it turns out to be a struggling day. Does it matter?

Hmmm…..let’s be honest….it does matter. I’d be kidding myself to say it doesn’t. It matters a lot to me. I want my husband and I to enjoy Christmas dinner at the very least. He sacrifices so much without any complaining, so I want him to enjoy our festive meal with all the trimmings.

I want to feel as pain free as possible on the day, so I can enjoy opening presents and chatting to family on the phone or online. I’d like the energy to look forward to this.

I want to have some energy in reserve to really enjoy a Christmas movie on Christmas night, plus the special Christmas Eve tradition of watching Carols by Candelight, televised from Melbourne. This just can’t be missed! I don’t want to be wishing it would be over because I can’t find a comfortable position for my broken bones.

I don’t want to be dealing with a stoma blockage because I’ve eaten something on the “naughty list” in the lead up to Christmas.

The Things I Miss

Then there’s the things I miss. This will be the third Christmas since my Dad passed. I will miss not being able to call him on Christmas Day. He used to live so close, only a 2 hour drive away, but even when he was alive, it was so far when you have a broken body. As a result of my health, and his own declining health over the years, we hadn’t spent a Christmas together for ages. I so wish we had…life is so short!

I miss not getting to a Carol Service and Christmas Eve/Day Church Service. I miss not being able to go to large shopping malls and enjoy the Christmas atmosphere.

Feeling a Little Melancholy Is OK!

Even for those of us who don’t suffer mental illness, the lead up to Christmas can be a melancholy time. It’s important to acknowledge all those feelings. They are real, important, and very normal for the chronic illness sufferer.

If you are feeling a little melancholy…….you are not alone.

I will have a lovely Christmas, but it will not necessarily be a season of constant joy. It will have moments of delight, moments of extreme fatigue, moments of excruciating pain, and then moments of relaxation and rest.

This is the reality for those of us with chronic illness and pain.

Moments full of comfort and love with my husband will always be the highlights for me.

Can Christmas Really Be Cancelled?

“What can I give Him,
Poor as I am?
If I were a Shepherd
I would bring a lamb;
If I were a Wise Man
I would do my part, Yet what I can I give Him,
Give my heart.”

This carol, “In The Bleak Midwinter”, is based on a poem entitled, ‘A Christmas Carol’ by English poet Christina Rossetti. The poem was first published in January 1872.

This is the last verse of the beautiful Christmas carol.

To me it is one of the most poignant Christmas messages and it means Christmas can never be cancelled. Not the true meaning of Christmas!

We are celebrating Jesus birthday. All our traditions of Christmas trees, giving presents to others, receiving gifts etc, are all symbolic in terms of the birth of Christ and celebrating his coming.

The Christmas tree represents new life, the lights on the tree represent the light of the Christ coming into the world. The star or Angel on top of the tree are part of the nativity story.

Giving gifts is what we do on someone’s birthday. Receiving a gift is symbolic of us receiving the gift of new life through Jesus’ birth.

There was no big family gathering on the first Christmas. There was no turkey dinner, no champagne flowing.

There was love and joy, wonder, awe, no doubt a little fear and much uncertainty of what lay ahead for Mary and Joseph and their new born son.

Christmas is, or should be, a celebration within our hearts. We are celebrating the gift of a Saviour. The gift of redemption, forgiveness, new life.

A True Christmas Can Never Be Cancelled But It Can Be Different

Christmas can’t be cancelled when we focus on the true meaning of Christmas.

Yes, family gatherings may not go ahead in the normal way. The Christmas dinner table might be small, perhaps empty.

Unopened presents may be under the tree for longer than expected.

Perhaps the gift the COVID crisis gave us in 2020 was time to think about why we are celebrating Christmas.

So much of how we live our lives is self-centred. Do we really know what it means to truly give our hearts?

Do we take time to think about our true motives? Do we search our hearts?

Are we really giving others a place in our hearts, or is it more about what value they add to our lives, what they can do for us?

Christmas might be different when we live with chronic illness restrictions, but we could write a loved one a letter or email or send a text, letting them know how much they mean to us.

We can fill our homes with carols and watch beautiful carol services.

We have the blessing of being able to video chat with loved ones. What a gift! You could perhaps all eat a meal together with tablets/laptops on the dining table. The options are endless.

Christmas and the true Christmas spirit will never be cancelled. Not if it’s in your heart. You’ll find a way to celebrate.

This Christmas season, whether you are surrounded by loved ones, home alone, in hospital or dealing with worsening health issues, my hope and prayer for you all is you’ll have moments of a Merry Little “Chronic Illness” Christmas.

Lots of love

Sam xx