I’m Just Tired…So Tired and That’s Ok.

I’m tired….so tired!

I’m not depressed, I’m not sad, I’m just tired.

My body is exhausted from fighting with itself daily. It can’t even get a divorce from it’s rare disease and walk away to a struggle free life.

I’m just tired.

Tired of medication. All the planning and administration, that goes into a meals worth of tablets, is tiring.

Tired of people. I know that sounds awful because I love people. I love caring and sharing and supporting. My work I do online with my support forum, means the world to me. So please forgive me when I say I’m tired and I’m struggling to hear the needs of others, just for a little while. Maybe only a few hours or perhaps a day.

I know I’m just having a moment. Is it a moment of weakness or a moment of strength?

I think it’s a sign of strength. I’m not afraid to say right now, in this moment, I’m so tired.

I’m being real. It’s how it is.

I don’t want sympathy. I don’t want people to feel sad. I just need to express the exhaustion I feel living with an unrelenting, cruel and downright disgusting disease.

I’m always the one championing positivity, and encouraging others, to find ways of living a new and fulfilled life with chronic illness. I believe we can and on most days I do.

Saying I’m tired, I need a moment, I need time out, doesn’t change any of it.

If anything saying I’m tired and acknowledging I can’t do everything, is part of being positive and living a fulfilled chronic illlness life.

It makes me think about the changes I might need to make to ensure I don’t lose sight of my aim to live the best life possible.

Allowing extreme tiredness to continue without stopping to acknowledge it, listen to it and address it, would be setting myself up for a disaster I may not claw back from.

“I can do all things through Him who strengthens me.”

Phillipians 4v13

What Would I Do?

If I wasn’t so tired and ravaged by disease, what would I do?

I’d walk and not break my feet.

I’d sleep and wake up refreshed.

I’d eat what I like and not have stoma issues.

I’d reclaim my linen cupboard and not have it looking like a pharmacy.

I’d go out of the house without thinking of the ramifications, or planning it hours in advance.

I’d invite friends over and host a dinner party with ease.

I’d be working full time and loving every minute.

Hang On A Minute

The lightbulb moment has begun to dimly shine in my tiredness. It was those last words….

I’d be working full time and loving every minute.

I am doing just that. Even with my rotton disease. I’m working with and for people I deeply care about. I’m helping others navigate this chronic illness journey, or perhaps nightmare might best describe it.

Would I change anything? I’m torn. Without my illness I wouldn’t have the insight, the understanding, perhaps even the desire to help other chronic illness sufferers.

Yes I’m tired. We are all tired in my community to varying degrees.

Even young people become worn out and get tired.But those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.

Isaiah 40 v 30-31

My tiredness won’t necessarily pass, but I will rally. I will move past, through,  over, and around this moment.

For now though….I’m just tired and I want others reading this, who are so exhausted, to know it’s ok to say so.

It’s ok to be tired and to have had enough of your disease for a moment.

In fact, it’s perfectly normal!!

Take care

Sam xx

My Podcast

If you would like an audible version of my blog, please check out my Podcast, Medical Musings With Sam

Medical Musings with Friends

If you’re looking for genuine support, care, understanding and friendship, you are so welcome to join my closed Facebook support forum, Medical Musings with Friends . It’s a safe place to connect with others living with chronic and complex diseases, who truly understand the daily challenges. A warm welcome awaits.

My Book

My book “My Medical Musings”, is published by Imaginewe Publishers and available now to purchase as a paperback or e-book.

Here are the links to online retailers if you would like to purchase the book:

Imaginewe Publishers

Amazon

Koorong

Booktopia

Book Depository

Angus and Robertson

Barnes and Noble

Blackwells

I’m also a Contributor at “The Mighty”. You can check out my published articles at My Author Page

I’m a member of the Chronic Illness Bloggers Network the Grace Girls Facebook Group and the Showered In Grace Group

Please click here to read our Privacy Policy