Pausing to Ponder

I’m catching my breath with a cuppa to pause and ponder.

So much has been going on in recent months. New diagnoses, flares of old diagnoses, my husband dealing with his own health battle, including a trip to ER and hospital admission, and the list goes on.

Watching and Waiting

I had my Hematologist appointment this week following my PET/CT scan last week. The scan didn’t discover anything aggressive from a lymphoma perspective that needs treatment at this stage, so we are on a “watch and wait” schedule. More blood tests/scans/possible biopsies, etc, in 6 months or sooner if I’m admitted to the hospital by another specialist before then (which is always likely)

He thinks my Diabetes is causing a multitude of my systemic issues, including  the rapid unintentional weight loss. I’ve lost 21kgs in 8 months.

I also have a massive abdominal hernia with small bowel loops that failed to fix surgically 12 months ago. That’s causing constant partial bowel obstructions, which, as you can imagine, makes me quite ill.

On top of my issues, my husband has been diagnosed with short-term memory loss/early onset dementia.

I am so exhausted from all of the above. I can’t stand without holding on to a support aide now as my spinal stenosis is completely compressing the nerves through my lumbar spine.

Dealing With Complex Crossroads

Living with chronic and complex diseases is not a life any of us would have chosen, I think we would all agree on that point.

In support group environments, we often talk about acceptance helping us to cope, and it does, but acceptance takes time, and the path to it is complex in itself. We can also find ourselves at new crossroads where the acceptance path needs to start over or take a new direction.

A good starting place on our  acceptance journey is to pause and ponder to ask ourselves a few questions;

• What is my disease?
• How complex is it, and do I have multiple diagnoses.
• Is it acute, chronic, or terminal?
• Does it even have a clear prognosis?
• Given the above, what restrictions does it enforce on my life now and later?
• What changes do I need to make to my life?
• How will I implement those changes?
• Do I need help to do that?
• ( and the list goes on)

It took me 2 years to arrive at true acceptance, and then my health became even more complex overnight with the bone disease entering my life and a pathological femur break. Thankfully, by that stage, I had made monumental changes to how I lived, so I was able to reach a new level of acceptance a little quicker. It was and still is hard not to focus on “what is my body going to throw at me next?”

I can’t control incurable diseases with unknown causes, but I can choose to focus on what will bring me joy each day and what I can do to feel connected and have real purpose on a daily basis. That’s going to be different for each of us, but I think the key question once you arrive at some level of acceptance is to ask yourself:

” What gives me a sense of purpose and what can I do within my limits that will open new opportunities and give me a reason to smile each day and focus on what could go right?”

It’s definitely worth pondering over a cuppa.

How about making one with me and we can ponder together.

Take care,

Sam xx

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