All I Want For Christmas is……Comfort and Joy

How often do you hear people being asked, “What do you want for Christmas?

They’ll usually have a list of wants and needs with a budget in mind, or they are a little delusional as to what others can afford!

Many now partake in an ever growing “Secret Santa” gift giving work event or family gathering.

I still love giving personal gifts to family, close friends, carers, and, of course, my beloved Peter.

It’s 5am as I sip my cup of tea in my Christmas mug, and I’m contemplating my own “Christmas List”

It’s Christmas Eve, and by some miracle, I have Christmas organised in true ” chronic illness style”

Everything has needed to be paced like never before. I’ve had to rely on my carers for help with Christmas cards, decorating my home, shopping, putting presents in Santa sacks, posting parcels to family scattered far and wide, unpacking my online food shopping (and then I have to try and find where everything is after carers have unpacked!!) 🙃

Peter and I are struggling to find time for the two of us to just be quiet and relax. It is literally like Picadilly Circus here every day.

My Christmas List 🎄

But I digress, so let’s get back to my own “Christmas List “.

Yes, I do have a sack of presents awaiting for Christmas morning, most of which are needs not wants. I’m still incredibly blessed to have anything when I’m acutely aware so many people will do without, not just at Christmas , but every day.

Gifts, however, don’t need to be tangible, and as I began to contemplate my intangible needs, tears began to fall.

I’m not going to pretend everything is fun and games, and we have a perfect happy home at the moment. We are going through the biggest battle of our lives with the progression of my disease and Peter’s Alzhiemers diagnosis.

We just had an Alzhiemers specialist here helping Peter garden, and she confirmed he is in the rapidly progressive stage. At least I know I’m reading the situation right.

I’m not going to say much about Peter’s symptoms because I want to protect his privacy, but it is full-on, and I never know what’s happening from one moment to the next.

I realised as I’m continuing to enjoy my tea and the quietness of the early Christmas Eve morning that I am losing the comfort and joy my home has always brought me. I am losing my soul mate before my eyes on a daily basis. Our love, friendship, and joy have always formed the foundation of our comfort and security of our home.

Others are looking after my home for me, and it’s just not the same, no matter how grateful I am. It’s not feeling like my haven at the moment. If I’m honest, it’s feeling a little invaded.

One home has always been filled with joy and laughter. Our escalated pain and Alzhiemers Disease are doing their best to destroy any moments of joy.

For the first time, I have to admit, “I’m struggling.” It’s all too much. It’s hard to be joyful when you are losing the love of your life a little bit more each day, yet they are not actually terminal, although we really don’t know!

So my tears soon turned into prayer. I don’t want a Christmas list, I just want to let God know that all I want for Christmas is comfort and joy.

I also realised comfort and joy can be tangible or intangible. They can come through an act of kindness, or it can be an emotional connection through a song or a book or just a God-given sense of peace and security.

Just to be given time to write this blog post is restoring a little comfort and joy as I love to write, and I love to reflect. I love to share my journey with those who need to know they are not alone.

How Can We All Find Comfort and Joy This Christmas?

I really don’t have a dot point list of jolly holly answers for you. I’m not even sure I can rustle up a Ho Ho Ho!

My normal high-level excitement for Christmas seems to have taken a back seat this year. Partly I think it’s because I know Peter won’t remember the next two days are special. I’ll spend most of my time guiding him through them and reminding him it’s Christmas. I’ll be reminding him 30 years ago on Christmas Day we were engaged.

So I’ll need to dig deep and take time to create comfort and joy moments of my own and appreciate the moments when Peter may be lucid enough to join in.

I have a few ideas…oh and surprise surprise here comes my dot point list after all:

Play Christmas music
Watch Christmas movies/favourite TV show Christmas specials;
Do a Christmas video for my interstate Great Nephews and Neice and our little Grandchildren;
Talk to some interstate family on the phone, others we’ll message;
Chat with my cousins and Aunty in the UK on whatsapp;
Hopefully, take Peter for a scooter/wheelchair ride to look at our village Christmas lights;
Enjoy yummy Christmas food;
Make sure we watch our church YouTube Christmas Eve and Day services, reminding myself of the true meaning of this wonderful time of the year.

When you think about the circumstances Jesus was born under,Mary and Joseph would very likely have found little comfort and joy as they travelled, only to find there was no room at the inn when they arrived in Bethlehem. Mary would have been so uncomfortable, and Joseph so worried, but their trust in God’s promise carried them through.

The Christmas story can be found in the Bible in Luke 1:26-38 and 2:1-20.

The Bible verse that promises to Mary that she will give birth to the son of God is Isaiah 7:14: “Therefore the Lord Himself will give you a sign: Behold, the virgin shall conceive and bear a son, and shall call His name Immanuel”.

Luke 1:30-32: The angel tells Mary, “Do not be afraid, Mary, for you have found favor with God”.

My Christmas List For You

I hope and pray this Christmas that we all find “Comfort and Joy”.

It may be that your Comfort and Joy list is different from mine, but I would highly recommend using Christmas Eve to write your own list and enter the next two days with a focus that uplifts you as much as possible.

Don’t worry if moments are far from perfect. Go with the flow and bring out your list to do an activity on there that brings you a little comfort again.

Above all, I send you Christmas love and blessings and want you to know if you are struggling this Christmas, you are not alone.

Happy Christmas 🎄

Sam xx 😘

Medical Musings with Friends

If you’re looking for genuine support, care, understanding and friendship, you are so welcome to join my closed Facebook support forum, Medical Musings with Friends . It’s a safe place to connect with others living with chronic and complex diseases, who truly understand the daily challenges. A warm welcome awaits.